Applied Romance

I have taken a number of very interesting self-development workshops over the last few years. One of my favorites was the Authentic Man Program (AMP). In the AMP program, one of the fundamental tenets is establishing presence over posturing. But what is presence? For that matter, what is posturing? Is posturing bad? If so, why? My friends THM, DBYR and Bad Deacon got into a long discussion about posturing at Club Straylight a couple of weeks ago.

Posturing

Cesar Millan, The Dog Whisperer, has absolutely amazing body language. In one episode about a feral dog that had bonded with horses (!) instead of humans or other dogs, he demonstrated the natural body language of a dominant predator: posturing! Puff the chest out a bit, walk with a purpose, assume a dominant stance. Posturing is a completely natural, completely instinctive method of non-verbal communication between animals at least to the level of reptiles. Even lizards do it! Posturing signals interest and intent, to either fight or f*ck.

But posturing may also be used as a bluff, to conceal inadequacy and weakness.

Where men get in trouble with posturing is by bluffing, by lacking the balls to follow through when a woman responds. Or even worse, collapsing in the onslaught of a woman’s probing.

Given that posturing is normal, what should a man do? Suppress the behavior as advocated by some, or embrace it as an aspect of masculine behavior?

Long time readers already know my answer: embrace it! As a man, you were born with this instinct, learn how it works, learn what’s congruent behavior for yourself, and run with it!

And once you get comfortable with posturing, when your body language is congruent with your intentions, the Authentic Man Program can help you turn that posturing into presence.

Presence

Presence is an ineffable quality. It can’t be described concretely and precisely with words like “puffing out the chest.” It’s that ability to project with your body language an internal state that is best described as centered, grounded and balanced. Another way to think of it is when your inner and outer game are congruent, while you’re paying attention to your surroundings, without focusing on anything in particular. One exercise taught by the AMP instructors is to relax and feel your feet on the ground. For more information on AMP, visit AuthenticSF.

Perhaps the most important aspect of presence: Presence admits no possibility of bluffing. Presence indicates your are The Real Deal. Genuine.

Preening

The female mammal’s natural, healthy response to both male posturing and presence is preening. In the seduction community, this female activity is denoted as Indicators of Interest (IOI). Many men learning seduction skills make the mistake of attempting to over-analyze a woman’s behavior by counting discrete preening activities: “She twirled her hair in her fingers” or “She pulled her ear lobe” etc.

Over-analysis is counter-productive.

Preening is one of a suite of body language signals, not a single action of some type or another. It’s part of her body language vocabulary. Learn to read body language, you won’t have to over-analyze any woman’s individual actions. In fact, you won’t even notice individual her actions, you will just know she’s ready to roll.

Understand preening first, don’t worry about specific stuff she does or doesn’t do.

Even better, if your body language, your posture, signals intent, and you find a woman preening (which they may do unconsciously), relax into presence and invite her to approach you.