Applied Romance

Suppose your current frame has not been productive for one or more past interactions with a specific woman. Suppose you bungled an approach, or had an unexpected flake, or a relationship is moving in the wrong direction. You know it’s time to evolve. But how? Press the reset button. It’s simple: revert to a previously working frame, or choose a new frame. Your actions and behavior going forward will demonstrate your new frame, with no attachment to results based on previous frame. This is a strategic shift, and you must let your tactics flow from the new strategy rather than the old strategy. Below, I’ll give you an example where simply changing one’s internal beliefs from “chasing” to “chased” resulted in a total reset.

Does Pressing the Reset Button work?

Yes.

If you make a few missteps in an initial interaction, it’s definitely possible to reset. In a long term relationship, resetting is possible provided you choose a course that works for you without any dependence on approval or ultimate outcome.

How well it works depends mostly on:

• * Your presence in your new frame. If you can’t carry off rock star, don’t dress like one, you won’t have any presence.
• * How badly your previous frame was screwed up.
• * The incongruity between the previous frame and the new frame. If chicks blew out under your previous “Austin Powers” frame, they aren’t likely to buy into your new “James Bond” frame unless your social proof is outrageous. And even then, many women may downgrade your new companionship as sluts beneath her contempt.

When to reset

Resetting can be done at any stage of any relationship, initial, social circle, long term. The longer the old frame was in place, the longer it takes for people to accept the new frame. The people that don’t, blow out.

Example: a friend of mine did his standard thing with a woman who turned out to be a regular at the particular club we are also regulars at (on different days). He didn’t know that initially, and tried to set up a Day 2 based on the attraction and rapport he developed with her. She gave him her number (maybe she didn’t want to hurt his feelings?), then flaked (maybe she didn’t know how he would be able to handle her within social circle?). In any case, since then we have both seen her several times (we are regulars after all). He has reset his interaction with her from: him going to her and asking her when he will see her next, to: her coming to him and asking when she will see him next. An outstanding reset.

Before: He approached, all standard stuff as taught by community. Good attraction, good rapport, wrong frame for her in this situation.

Now: He gives her the space to allow her to come to him. And she does. A much better frame for her in this situation, which is less work for him. By “less work,” I mean less talking, less walking and less thinking.

The difference: internal. His internal frame shift from chaser to chasee resulted in slight changes in his behavior and large changes in her behavior.

Now about right here, a few of you guys reading this are going either ask “what did he say…” or “what did he do…” or “how did he…” and you will have missed the point . Superficially, he changed nothing: still shooting pool at the same time, at the same place. Internally, he chose to allow her to come to him. That is all.

How does this work?

Practical Advice for Resetting

Here is some practical advice for resetting that should be useful for anyone. For an initial interaction, when the fast game is blown you have several choices:

1. Soft next: Accept her LJBF frame. This is what most men do.
2. Hard next: Obvious, easy, what most players do.
3. Reset: Slot the woman into your long game queue, run tactics just the same as fast game, keeping interactions extremely limited (more or less accidental), use VAC model for building attraction.

In an ongoing or long-term relationship, where there are real material costs associated with a “next,” resetting is more difficult, takes longer, and proceeds a little differently on the emotional side.

1. Determine your end point in the relationship. The end point is where you preset an “internal ultimatum” to yourself that the relationship is over if resetting doesn’t work. This end point can be an action within a certain period of time. Women are trained to do this: “If he doesn’t propose by XX date, it’s over.” Be as emotionally ruthless as a woman bent on marriage.
2. Determine how to measure progress during the reset process. Each progress point can be used as an intermediate ending point as well.
3. Choose your mission and internal frame going forward. Make sure this is something you are naturally inclined to pursue, something that is congruent to your inner core of beliefs, and something you can demonstrate.
4. Explain nothing. Resetting is for you, not for anyone else. It’s for recovering your self-respect, your self-esteem, your motivation, and your material well-being, none of which are anyone else’s business.

If resetting doesn’t go how you expect, keep the following in mind:

• * Most importantly, let go of the outcome. Letting go is probably the most difficult aspect of this strategy, just as it’s often the most difficult aspect of many other self-development methods.
• * You don’t really know what the other person is thinking, so don’t assume anything negative, and don’t assume too much.
• * The reset button is really for you, not for anyone else.
• * Do not go out of your way. Resetting works best by working less. If you think you are going to reset by working harder… think again.

For any kind of relationship, short term or long, the following applies:

• * Clear emotional vision of new frame. Be able to feel it. If you don’t feel it, the other person won’t feel it either.
• * Outcome independence: the reset button is for you, not for any woman nor anyone else. How a woman responds is her business, not yours. You will find some women respond how you hope they will, others blow out or stay blown out.
• * Absolute commitment to maintaining new frame, even when you lose it (and you probably will, initially, but plowing will get you through).
• * Don’t care what the woman thinks. Seriously, you have to fully commit to your new frame, with no regard to the consequences for any particular interaction past or present. Example: say you supplicated a couple of times to a hottie, then caught your behavior later. One way to reset is invite her compliance. But you must hold that frame no matter what. If she won’t comply or reciprocate, then she stays blown out, and that’s fine.
• * Social proof helps, either with women or other cool guys having a good time.

Try hard is deadly. If you evolve your frame and attempt to “display” rather than demonstrate, you are simply posing. Posing is fine when dealing with new women who enjoy posturing (all mammals posture, don’t worry about it), but it won’t work if your new frame collapses into a previously unproductive frame.

I’m interested in hearing stories where pressing the reset button either did or didn’t work. What I described in this post works well for me, and stories from others help me learn as well.