Applied Romance

As I write this, there is a debate of sorts raging back and forth in the pickup and men’s self-development community: should a man “fake-it-til-you-make-it,” or just should he “just be yourself, authentically.” My answer, do both.

Here’s the deal: fake-it-til-you-make-it works. And it doesn’t work. It worked for me, both with my interactions with women and for starting my own business. But it hasn’t worked for a friend of mine. Will it work for you, or not work for you? Here are some helpful hints.

It works

“Faking it” absolutely works when you are sure you are going to make it. When there is no question of outcome, when you know that at the end of the day, when they count the chips and you’re making bank, fake it all the way down the line. Assume success and act on it. The how, the when, the where, all those details will come out in the wash. Faking it til you make is really a fundamental part of all methods, programs, training, self-development in all fields, not just business, or seduction. And works, always, as long as you keep your focus on the long term result.

It doesn’t work

If you believe in your heart faking it won’t work, it won’t work. Not at all. Not even accidentally. Doing so will lead you into incongruent spaces. It will be emotionally draining, possibly emotionally damaging. Don’t do it. It’s not worth it.

How to know the difference

The key to faking it is being congruent at every step. Recently, I was a corporate officer in a corporation I that I owned a large number of shares in. A very small, very unimportant corporation. I was totally faking it, making good money, and learning some excellent skills. I knew whether the tiny corporation “succeeded” or “failed,” I would be learning a vast number of very important skills. In other words, my success was guaranteed. Could I function as an officer in a large multinational corporation? Not. Hardly. I am congruent as an officer of a small corporation, ready to “fake it” as an office of a somewhat larger corporation, but not (yet) as an officer of a large corporation.

Similarly with women. With the women in your “natural base,” those women that are naturally attracted to you, fake it til you make it. You know you’ll make it, given time. With women out of your league, put these on the back burner until you have the internal conviction to handle them. Otherwise, you really will just be a fake. But when you’re ready, promote yourself, and fake it til you make it.